Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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