Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have post one night stand depression
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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