Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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