I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
