Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
