Yo dont text me then not text me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
