it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize