btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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