If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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