I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
