Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
