Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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