about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
