I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
