Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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