worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
