Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
