he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize