just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
