The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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