I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
