I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
