he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
