Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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