happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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