I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
