I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
