I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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