I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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