I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
