so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
