I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
