This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
