Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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