If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
