Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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