Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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