my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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