the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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