So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
