What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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