I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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