Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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