She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
