I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
