Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
