Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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