Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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