I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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