I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
