Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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