somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
