wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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