so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
