dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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