before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize