got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
