my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize