Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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