the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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