drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
