I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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