Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
