I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
