I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
