I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize