you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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