SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
