I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
