I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
