that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize