I wish I only lived at night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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