I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
