He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
