Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize