is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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