I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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