She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
