god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
