i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
