the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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