New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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