No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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