Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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