someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
