Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
