don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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