i don't like sucking hair
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
