I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
