yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
