my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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