The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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