it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize