Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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