Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
