your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
