He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
