I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
