She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
