i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize