we're blogging at a bar
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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