bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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