pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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