today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My vagina is officially offended.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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