Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
